


Suit Yourself

by Noelle



Category: Smallville
Genre: Established Relationship, Futurefic, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2003-01-02
Updated: 2003-01-02
Packaged: 2017-11-01 07:02:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,138
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/353488
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Noelle/pseuds/Noelle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for the Slash Advent Calendar.  "Lex went over his mental Clark checklist.  Bright red boots?  Check.  Billowing red cape?  Check.  Head-to-toe Spandex?  Check.  Head-to-toe Spandex *in blue*?  No check."<br/></p>
            </blockquote>





	Suit Yourself

## Suit Yourself

by reetchick

[]()

* * *

* * *

Setting his keys on the table in the penthouse foyer, Lex picked up the note that was waiting for his attention.

Clark's concise handwriting, just a few lines long. //L -- Mom called. She needed me to stop over to pick up something she made. Back for a late dinner. Love, C// 

Lex smiled, folding the note and tucking it into his breast pocket 

Walking into the great room to pour himself a drink, Lex shook his head at the "gift" from Lionel that had been delivered the day before - two fruitcakes, one slightly larger than the other. 

It was almost touching, Lex thought, that Lionel would take the time to pick out such a personal gift for him and Clark, now that he was enjoying his retirement in a country with no extradition treaties with the United States. 

Lex kicked off his shoes and stepped onto the balcony of the penthouse, gazing at the sky, waiting for the red and blue blur headed towards him from the direction of Smallville. 

It wasn't long before he noticed something moving in a very familiar, far-too-fast-to-be-human way. But something was...off. Not right. He squinted, trying to resolve the mystery before Clark landed, in a flash of red and - 

Green. 

Not red and blue, but red. And green. 

Lex went over his mental Clark checklist. Bright red boots? Check. Billowing red cape? Check. Head-to-toe Spandex? Check. Head-to-toe Spandex in blue? 

No check. 

Everything that was normally blue on the uniform was now, somehow, green. Not even a decent shade of hunter green, but a garish, god-awful Christmassy green. 

Clark opened his mouth as if to say something, but Lex cut him off with one small hand gesture. He inhaled deeply, then exhaled, blowing the air out through tight lips. Making sure to modulate his voice, Lex then uttered the all-important question to his lover: "What. The fuck. Are you wearing?" 

Eyes squeezed shut, Clark dove into his explanation. Obviously he'd spent the entire three minutes of the flight home preparing for this, Lex thought wryly. 

"Mom made it," Clark began. "You know she's kind of been at loose ends since your dad... retired, and her latest thing is sewing. Anyway, she thought that maybe, you know, for the holidays, it'd be nice if I wore something a little more," and here he paused to clear his throat, "seasonal." 

Lex slammed his glass down on the patio table with a loud clanking noise. "Seasonal? This is her idea of seasonal? This thing is a fucking nightmare, Clark." 

Clark actually managed to look affronted at that remark. "It's not really that bad, Lex. It's a very festive green, and I think the fringe on the cape sort of - " 

Lex reached out to spin the other man around, the better to view the previously mentioned fringe, which was, indeed, there, dangling merrily from the edge of the cape. 

He spun Clark to face him again, picking out more of the fine details that had escaped his notice before. White, Santa-esque fuzz at the cuffs. A small sprig of holly on each clasp of the cape. And the "S" emblazoned across Clark's chest - which was now striped like a candy cane, swirly red and white - seemed puffier. 

Clark noticed Lex staring at the "S" and grinned. "Go ahead, press it," he said, sounding far too excited about the prospect. Against his better judgment, Lex extended one finger and reluctantly poked his lover in the chest. He immediately regretted doing so when he heard the tinny strains of "Jingle Bells" emanating from the suit. 

Lex sank into his chair, placing his head in his hands so he could rub his suddenly throbbing temples. "Come on, Lex," Clark said in his very best come-on-Lex voice. "It's not that bad, is it?" 

It had been a long time since Lex had looked quite so irritated, Clark thought nervously. "Not that bad? Not that bad?" Lex stood up, pushing Clark by the shoulders until he plunked down in the seat across from Lex. 

"It is bad. It's very bad, Clark. You look like a goddamn elf school drop-out," Lex snarled. "Couldn't you suggest to Martha that one of your League friends would appreciate her efforts? Have her lighten up Bruce's thing, replace the bat with a partridge in a pear tree? Switch the Flash's lightning bolt for a menorah? Talk the Green Lantern into being the 'Red and Green Lantern' for a few weeks?" 

Clark furrowed his brow and scratched his nose contemplatively. "I didn't know Wally was Jewish." 

Lex sighed in exasperation. "I think you're missing my point, here, Clark." 

"No, no, I get the point," Clark pouted. "You hate the outfit, and you think I look like a doofus." He shuffled towards the doors, muttering, "Should've known better, it was a lousy idea." 

"Wait just a second," Lex snapped, quickly moving to intercept his lover. "Exactly whose idea was this monstrosity, anyway?" Clark flushed and averted his eyes from Lex's face, petulantly looking down and to his left. 

Nodding with understanding, Lex reached out to take Clark's hand. "You designed this yourself, didn't you?" he guessed, valiantly struggling to contain his amusement. "And you asked Martha to make it for you." 

"S'posed to be cute," Clark mumbled, and started chewing on his bottom lip. 

Clark's vulnerable, kicked-puppy look had always been Lex's undoing. He snuck an arm under the cape, circling Clark's waist as he led them to their bedroom. "It's all right, babe," Lex soothed. "Let's just go and get this thing off, and if you want to talk about having a new style of uniform made, we can do that." 

That seemed to lift Clark's mood. "Really?" he brightened, casting a hopeful glance at Lex. 

"Sure, sweetheart," his lover answered. "We can give Eduardo a call in the morning. He'll be able to help us think of something." So long as he never catches sight of this horror, Lex thought with a shudder - their tailor might not live through a viewing of such a lurid fashion nightmare. 

"Lex?" 

"Yes?" 

A sniffle. "Do you think I'm a doofus?" 

Lex thought for a moment. "Maybe just a little bit of a doofus," he finally admitted. "But you're my doofus, and that's what matters." He squeezed Clark around the waist, wanting to get rid of his lover's hangdog look. 

"Hey," Lex suggested. "Would it make you feel any better if we brought the whipped cream with us?" 

Clark sucked in an eager breath. "And the sprinkles, too?" 

"Absolutely," Lex agreed, and made a detour for the kitchen. If Clark was going to insist on celebrating the holiday by wearing red and green, Lex was willing to be supportive of such efforts. 

Particularly when he could lick them off once they were through. 

~~the end~~ 


End file.
